Saturday, October 15, 2011

Mahabharat Premier League

Two young men enter stage from opposite sides, wearing quite cool clothes.
First: Hey Dude!
Second: Yo Man!!
First: Wassup? Hey have u heard, Tapo is writing some skit!
Second: I know!! That also, based on Mahabharat!
First: Yeah! No originality! All copy-pasting!
First one shakes his head!
Second: Seriously! But one thing… Brother Nakul!
First: Yes bro Sahadev?
Sahadev: Every time there’s a play on Mahabharat, we always become side characters!!
Nakul: Right! Very Bad!!
Sahadev: Think about a bollywood movie on Mahabharat… for brother Judhishthir, Bhim or Arjun there will be Shah rookh Khan, Salaman Khan, Hrithik Roshan…
Nakul: But, you know for brother Bhim, Dharam paji would be the best… Kutte, kamine maine tera khun pi jaunga…
Sahadev: Ha ha… but the point is for us there will be Fardeen Khan…
Nakul: Rajpal Jadav!
Sahadev: Sushant Singh!
Nakul gets confused!
Nakul: Who is he?
Sahadev: Whatever. So, this time we are not going to do the same. I am sure there will not be any good line for us. So we will improvise!
Nakul: You are right!
Sahadev: We will make all the jokes and will give the punch lines!
Nakul: Right bro!!
Nakul punches Sahadev on chest! Sahadev gets hurt!
Sahadev: Uff! You don’t need to take the punch line part so seriously!! Well, there come the heroes!!
Nakul: Yes, I can see bro Judhishthir, Bhim, Arjun… also Durjodhon is coming with Shakuni!
Judhishthir, Bhim, Arjun, Durjodhon and Shakuni enter. Judhishthir and Arjun are talking between themselves, Bhim is busy eating something, Durjodhon has earplug on his ears, Shakuni is busy with his cellphone, some more phones in his hand.
Durjodhon: Ha ha ha ha ha ha…
Judhishthir: Why are you laughing?
Durjodhon: I am the bad man!! I laugh just like that! Have not u seen Gulshan Grover or some other bollywood villains? Ha ha ha ha…
Judhishthir is not impressed!
Durjodhon: Anyways, as we were discussing, I am going to challenge you in some game!!
Arjun: The dice game?
Durjodhon: What do you think I am? Am I Buladi??
Arjun is scared, he goes to Bhim. Durjodhon goes to Judhishthir.
Durojodhon: Boss, I want to challenge you in a game of Angry Birds!!
Suddenly Nakul comes in the front.
Nakul: Are those birds really angry?
Judhishthir: uff Sahadev, don’t disturb!
Nakul: Bro, I am Nakul!!!
Judhishthir: Whatever!!
Durjodhon: Anyways, are u going to play Angry Birds with us or not?
Judhishthir is not sure!
Arjun: Nehi Bhai nehi!
Arjun starts crying on Bhim’s shoulder! Bhim keeps munching food! Durjodhon is surprised! He goes to Judhishthir.
Durjodhon: What? You don’t know how to play Angry Birds?
Judhisgthir shakes his head!
Durjodhon: Ha ha ha ha… shame shame! Now you will tell me that, you don’t have a Blackberry either!
Judhishthir did not reply. He walked away. Arjun’s cry increases! Durjodhon is surprised! Then he starts laughing!
Durjodhon: Really!! You don’t have a blackberry!! I have two and my uncle Shakuni… he has five!! He is a world champion in Angry Birds!!
Durjodhon and Shakuni start dancing on ‘We are the blackberry boys’. Nakul also join with them! After the dance, Sahadev took Nakul to one side.
Sahadev: Why did you dance? You don’t have a blackberry!
Nakul (confused): But I have an apple!
Sahadev: Ohh really… wah! Wah! You know, I always knew you have very classy choices.
Nakul takes out an apple fruit from his pocket and offered to Sahadev.
Nakul: Bro, you want a bite?
Sahadev got angry and took Nakul to one side.
Durjodhon looks to Shakuni.
Durjodhon: Uncle Shakuni, what game should we play now?
Shakuni: Don’t worry dear boy, I am also a champion in Roadrash, Need for Speed 2009, Counter Strike and Farmville!!
Durjodhon: Wonderful! Uncle Tussi Great Ho!
Durjodhon goes to Pandavas.
Durjodhon: So, what game you want to play?
Bhim: I think we should have boxing match!
Arjun: Uii Ma! It will be painful!
Judhishthir is thinking. Lagan music on the background.
Judhisthir: I know what game we should play. The most popular game in India!! We will play cricket! Mahabharat Premier League!
Nakul: You mean we will be in Mahabharat Paysa League!!
Judhishthir gets offended!
Judhishthir: Where is Krishna?
Krishna enters with Draupadi!
Draupadi looks at Durjodhon!
Draupadi: Hey Handsome!
Durjodhon: Hi Sweety!!
Durjodhon winks. Then Draupadi looks at pandavas.
Draupadi: Ohh here are my five husbands cum bro-in-laws!! It’s so confusing!
Bhim: Krishna, where were you?
Krishna: I was taking music lessons from Anu Malik! You want to here??
Krishna starts singing.
Krishna: Barish ho raha hain… it’s raining… it’s raining…
Judhishthir: Off… cut it. We are planning to have a cricket match with Kaurav’s!
Krishna: Really? What’s the rate for bowling a no-ball on the spot?
Judhishthir: Stop! I am Dharmaraj… I do not do spot fixing… and anyhow the rates are very poor nowdays, those Pakistanis cheap labors are affecting the overall industry.
Durjodhon: So, is it all final? Are we going to play a cricket match?
Judhishthir: Yes… but you are 100 guys, we are just five and this good for nothing Krishna. Let us invite some of our cricketer friends.
Durjodhon: Ok, we will also invite some cricketer friends of ours.
Arjun goes to Draupadi!!
Arjun: Panchali, Panchali, have you heard, we are going to play cricket match!!
Draupadi: You guys will play cricket!! Ohh no!! Let me call my dress designer to order 30-40 pieces of clothes!!
Arjun: Clothes!! Why?
Draupadi: Have not you seen B.R. Chopra’s Mahabharat in TV? Rupa Ganguly showed 20 types of sharis in that scene!!
Draupadi leaves the stage. Krishna goes to Judhishthir.
Krishna: Hey, one of my friends is a great player!
Judhishrhir: Ohh, really? Who? Sachin?
Krishna: Let’s that be a surprise!
Bhim: Let us go and practice for the match!
A Week Later.
Reporter enters the stage. With a headset and microphone.
Reporter: Hallo and welcome to the Mahabharat Premier League. I am reporting for the match between Pandavas and Kauravas. It’s very important match and let me start with taking interviews of some of very famous cricketers.
The reporter goes to the side, ask something, gets shocked. Then sadly comes to the center of the stage.
Reporter: Ok, guys, we have a situation here. Apparently, this script is so bakwas, we could not find enough actors for our play and hence, the same guys will come as players. So let me invite, friend of Judhishthir, Mr. Ricky Ponting!!
Ricky Ponting (Judhishthir) enters the stage while keep spitting on his palms. He comes to the reporter and extends his hand, the reporter refuses.
Reporter: Hi Mr. Ponting! Please tell us how you are feeling as you are playing for Pandavas?
Ponting: Very happy! But I must say great choice by Judhishthir, I am one of the most honest players around!!
Reporter: err…
Ponting: Do you doubt my integrity?
Reporter: No no… so you are the captain! How many runs you want to score?
Ponting: Great! By the way, do you have the team list for other team?
Reporter: Yes!
Ponting: Can you tell me whether Harbhajan Singh is in that team?
Reporter: No Ricky.
Ponting: Any other Sing, Ghising… anyone?
Reporter: No no… no such player!
Ponting (smiling): Great! I will make a double hundred!
Reporter: Great! Thanks Ricky. Please wait for other players.
Ponting goes and stands in the back.
Reporter: Let me invite, Bhim’s friend Shoaib Akhtar!!
Shoaib (Bhim) enters with a bat, very slowly.
Reporter: Hurry up Shoaib. You are a fast bowler!
Shoaib: Only my bowling used to be fast. I do not move fast!
Reporter: So, why do you have a bat in your hand?
Shoaib: Who is my captain?
Reporter shows to Ponting: He is your captain!
Ponting: Right Shoaib, why do you have a bat in your hand?
Shoaib: You drop me once from the team and then I will show why I have this bat!
Ponting gets scared. Shoaib goes and stands with Ponting.
Reporter: After the fiery Shoaib Akhtar let me invite Sourav Ganguly, friend of Arjun.
Sourav (Arjun) enters the stage and then take of his shirt and starts waving!
Reporter: Hallo Dada… any comment?
Sourav: Main hnu Sourav Ganguly! Bhule to nehi ?
Reporter : right... right...
Sourav: I am now anchoring the KBC! Let me ask you a question… ha ha ha!! Who will win in a 100 meter race? Your options are Spiderman, Superman, 90 year old man and fast bowling loving Indian batsman??
Reporter is confused!
Reporter: umm… not sure dada!
Sourav: The 90 year old man, because others do not exists in real world!! Ha ha ha…
Sourav goes and joins Ponting and Shoaib.
Reporter: Next, let me invite friends of Nakul-Sahadev, Murali Karthik and Dinesh Karthik!!
MK and DK enter.
MK& DK (angrily): Again side characters!!
Dinesh Karthik: And do not make any lame joke about ‘Kartik calling Kartik’ being our favorite movie!!
Reporter is scared. Mk and DK join the others in the back.
Reporter: Ok… that’s the team for the Pandavas. Let me invite In-Zamam-ul Haq, Durjodhon’s Friend.
Inji: Illellellellalla… the boys plays very well. We try hard but their balling was good, they win. Next match, we played well to win. Thank You.
Reporter: But Inji, the match has not started yet…
Inji: Ohhh… sorry… I thought post match presentation ho raha hain! Ramiz bhai knaha gaya?
Inji goes in the back.
Reporter: Now we have uncle Shakuni’s friend, Sreeshanth!!
Sreshanth enters the stage doing moonwalk then do some break dance and other steps.
Reporter: Hi Sree, great dance. Anything about the match?
Sree: I will give my 200%!
Reporter: Ok… so any bowling plan?
Sree: What plan? I will give my 200%
Reporter: Ok, so if you lose what you will do?
Sree: Will go to a party and give my 200%
Reporter is totally confused. Sree goes to Inji.
Reporter: Ok I just got info that a special player has landed just now; he is Krishna’s friend…
Someone enters in an Argentine Jersey with a cigar in hand.
Reporter: Who are you?
Man: I am the greatest player in the world. I am Maradona!!
Reporter: Maradona!! In a cricket match??
Maradona: What cricket! Let’s play football! I will score my hand of God goal again!!
Maradona Starts fighting with other cricketers!
Reporter: Friends. I am sorry to say that the match has been called off. It’s crazy here! This should be called the ‘Mahabharat Pagal league’!!
The reporter runs away from the stage!!

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